Vexation of Soul

I know, I know..such a deep subject for such an early morning post..but I couldn't sleep last night for thinking about it.  As is my usual routine when I can't sleep, I began to pray for many of my friends and family that I know have requests that need to come before the throne.  In the midst of praying however, I kept being taken back in my memory to a dark season in my life.  I was reminded of a 3 day period in 1994 when I locked myself away. 

I was going through a terribly painful divorce at that time and so I took my baby girl to my Mom's house and then locked all of the doors to my house and turned off every light.  For 3 days I sat in that dark house. The only sounds were of either my crying or the radio that I had set to play a local country station.  As I sat there, every song seemed to be speaking specifically about my situation.  As the day turned into night I began to contemplate various ways to end my life.  Ironically, the one thing that kept me from following through with it was the fear that I would not succeed. Crazy huh? 

By the 3rd day I had been in so much torment by my imaginations of what "he was doing", "how great his life was now", "how lonely I was going to be" and "how I would never get over this" until I had decided that death was the only relief from all that I was feeling both inside and outside.  Just before I was going to follow through with my plans I decided to pick up my bible, read it, and then say a prayer before I did what I felt I had to do.  As God would have it, I turned to 2 Corinthians 10:5. It told me to take every thought captive and to cast down imaginations and everything that exalted itself against the knowledge of Christ.

I sat in tears that God would speak so specifically to me.  It was then that I heard a knock at the door.  It was late in the night and I was surprised that anyone would be out this late.  As I opened the door I saw a beautiful lady-my Aunt Wannie-(who has since gone on to be with Jesus)  standing with her bible in hand.  She sat with me for hours going over and over the promises of God and encouraging me to hold on.  She began to tell me that God had a plan for my life and that she was there to make sure that I knew that.

Some of you may be saying..Okay so where are you going with this Shelby?"  Hang on..I'm getting to it..

Last night as I was laying in bed, it was the music playing on the radio during that 3 day period that I kept focusing on.  God began to show me how that music played a role in all that I was imagining and feeling during those 3 days. That "tear in my beer" music was actually contributing to my pain, not helping it.  Even the songs that talked about love and possibilities were painful because they are not realistic but are full of fantasy that can not be achieved.

2 Peter 2:8 says that Lot  "vexed his righteous soul by what he saw and heard around him".  You see in the book of Genesis we are told that Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom and Gemorrah.  He didn't start out living there. He simply had the front door of his home toward that city. So each day and each night he saw and heard what was going on in that sinful city and before long, he was living there.

Notice that the bible didn't say that he had a sinful soul. No, it says his "righteous" soul.

This made me realize that even as a Christian, I am not immune to the affects of the things that I allow myself to see and hear.  If I am going to be able to maintain a strong relationship with Christ then I must Hear and See the things that will make that possible.

Likewise, if I am going to stand in faith believing God for the impossible to become possible in my life then I must Hear and See things that will make that possible as well!

I have to "guard my heart with all diligence" from anything that is contrary to the Word of God.  That may even include some "Christian" music or nay saying Christians.

I don't have to be ugly about it...but when doubting Christians begin to speak things that are contrary to God's word I can simply excuse myself from their presence.

I have been surprised by some of the things that we sing in our music that is contrary to the Word of God.  Some gospel music is more depressing than a country song!!!! No wonder we struggle to know God's will or believe him for the impossible!

Recently I heard a song (I don't the artist because I turned the radio before finding that part out) that said "He never promised the cross would not be heavy".  WRONG!!!

Matthew 11:30 Take my yoke upon you for my yoke  is easy and my burden is LIGHT!

It went on to say "He never promised that the hill would not be hard to climb".  WRONG!!

Mark 11:23 says that we are to speak to the mountain and command it to be removed, NOT CLIMB it!

I know what the writer "intended" to say with this song...and it does seem innocent enough...but it is not biblically sound.

I could go on and on...and we sing these in church thinking that we are worshipping and glorifying God! Lord, help us! I am thankful that the Worship leader at our church is sensitive to these things and quite frequently changes verses in songs to fit what the Word says. 

While some of this "inspirational" music sounds good and even "feels" good it is completely unbiblical.  It deceivingly "vexes our soul" so that we can not believe for what we are asking God for.  It leads us to vain imaginations that "exalt themselves against the knowledge of God". It causes us to "settle" for less than God's best and confirms our sitations rather than inspire us to come up out of them! What good does singing about our "valleys and trials" do but to justify where we are and make us feel better about staying there? 

As children of God, we MUST understand what the WORD says so that we can recognize these Vexing things.  If we have an understanding of what the Word of God says then our Spirit will instantly recognize the Vexing words and sights and warn us to get away from them! 

So, today I am challenged.  I need more understanding of the Word of God so that I can become more sensitive to the things that are vexing my soul around me.  I need to recognize that these things are not "innocent" but are contributing to my inability to see God's promises working in my life. 

Open the eyes of my heart Lord!